Blessings Versus Permission
This is a photo of our daughter taken while she was out touring with a band last fall. She was a junior in college and took a semester off to work for a music management company and tour with two bands. Her nickname was “Tour Enhancer.” When she asked for our permission to take a semester off to tour with two bands we said yes immediately. She has been passionate about live music since she was very young. When she was ten she wrote a letter to the organizer of our town 4th of July event suggesting they hire Shawn Mendes back when very few people knew who he was. She wants to be in music management, and this was a fantastic hands-on opportunity to really get a feeling for life on the road. Were we worried that she would be in a tour bus with a bunch of guys we didn’t know driving all over the country? Have you seen Almost Famous?? Did we check her location on Find My Phone? Yes! Did we know this was the right thing for her to do at that moment? Not 100% sure but as parents we’re rarely 100% sure. We happily and cautiously gave her our permission. Three months later that same 21-year-old daughter asked us for our blessings to take the road less traveled and take a shot at her dreams. She asked for our blessings to take another year to go on the road and see if she can make this dream come true.
It’s amazing how just one word can change a conversation. Our daughter asked for our blessings to give her dream a shot, not our permission. As an adult, she no longer needs our permission to do anything really. We know she had given it a great deal of thought and solicited the opinions of others. The fact that she chose the word blessings was a genuine gesture of respect and it changed the dynamic right out of the gate. We gave her our blessings because as you can see from the smile above, she is the happiest she has been in years. We gave our blessings, and we also voiced our concerns. The way she started the discussion allowed us to truly have a conversation. It hasn’t always been that way.
In third grade our daughter’s teacher told us she would be an amazing adult but to hold on for a bumpy ride until then. I think we’d all agree that has proven to be true and that is not all bad. She’s never been one to do things just because that’s what others were doing. This has served her well and will continue to do so but trust me there were times when it’s been a challenge for all of us. When she had to wear all white clothes for tennis lessons, she wore colorful socks and sparkly sneakers. When she had to read the 5th book of Harry Potter in 5th grade, she refused because she did not like Harry Potter and hadn’t read the first four. When her friends asked her to do things she didn’t want to do, she didn’t do them. When we asked to do things, she didn’t want to do, she didn’t do them. She has always been willing to debate and to stand up for herself and trust me, those conversations didn’t always go so well. Now she’s doing it as a young adult and while they are difficult conversations, they are simultaneously much easier. Two years ago, this would have been a very different conversation. All of us have learned how to have better difficult conversations. I think we have learned as much from her as she has from us.
Her experience as a college freshman in the fall of 2020 was less than ideal. The isolation was difficult. Her experience as a sophomore in college was a bit better but the impact of the pandemic caused a change in her long-term perspective. At a young age she became acutely aware that life was short and that things can change in a day. She also became very attuned to her emotional and mental health and what makes her feel alive and happy. She realized she loves living in a city and that she needs live music in her life. She values what she has learned in college but feels the financial cost does not make sense when compared to the opportunity to do what she loves and gain on the job experience.
As I said, we gave her our blessings and asked her to listen to our concerns before she made a final decision. While we believe college isn’t for everyone, we believe a college education does have value. We worry about financial challenges and question whether it makes sense to pay rent if you’re typically on the road and could live rent free at home. We worry about a lot of things because that is what parents do… they worry. We also see that she is truly happy. We have seen her in action, and she is good at her job. She came to us with a well prepared and thoughtful request, one I know I couldn’t have done at 21 years old. If just for that I would give her my blessing. We gave her our blessings because two years ago she wouldn’t have even wanted our blessings.
This Christmas she gave us a coffee table book of her best photos from the three months on tour, I KNOW it is the first of many of her photo collections. She inscribed the book with a note thanking us for our support and that she hopes the photos illustrate where she has gone and what she has done.
We’ve all come a long way and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for her, hopefully more good than bad but we are prepared for the inevitable bumpy road that is life. We’ve had a lot of practice.
